


Unrequited

by A_Wild_Gay_Potato



Category: Video Blogging RPF
Genre: Angst, Author Is Sleep Deprived, Author is Evil, Blood, Cheating, Cross-Posted on Quotev, Currently being rewritten - Freeform, F/M, Hanahaki Disease, How Do I Tag, M/M, Memory Loss, Mutual Pining, My First AO3 Post, Not Beta Read, Not Septiplier, Oblivious, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Past Relationship(s), Pining, Read by the Author, Septiplier AWAY!, Sleepy Cuddles, Tags May Change, We Die Like Women, aka short chapters, all respect to the actual people, also not septiplier, drabbles the aply to the plot but are short, half of these are drabbles, i respect them, not in order tho, please dont tell them about this fic, thats an actual tag, they dont know they're dates tho, they love eachother, yay
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-11-17
Updated: 2019-04-08
Packaged: 2019-08-24 20:57:03
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 20
Words: 9,405
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16647641
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/A_Wild_Gay_Potato/pseuds/A_Wild_Gay_Potato
Summary: Hanakhaki: A fictional disease which is created by one-sided love, causing the victims to first of all cough up flowers petals, then blood, and eventually killing the victim. It has two cures, either the person whom the victim loves returns their feeling, or to get surgery which makes it so that they have no memory of their loved one.Mark didn't want to admit that he was in love with his best friend, He never wanted to let himself believe that he was in love with his best friend, but the flower petals that were in his hand were telling him otherwise . . .





	1. Chapter One

**Author's Note:**

> Hey, guys I just had a little idea this was, and still is being posted originally on Quotev I just put it on here for more people. All respect to Mark and Jack, and I know that their friendship is only friendship and nothing more.

Sure I love Jack, 

I knew this for a while now and I always put it off as a meaningless little crush nothing more. 

That's what I had thought, but I was so wrong. 

~Before~

I and Jack were playing some prop hunt, we weren't recording or anything. He had just asked me if I had wanted to play,  of course, I had accepted. 

I mean why wouldn't I want to spend time with the man that I love like to spend time with so much. 

I have been coughing a bit for the past few days I passed it off as a small little cold and continued making videos.  I was in the middle of playing with Jack when I had a coughing attack. 

"Are you Ok Mark" He seemed concerned.  "Yeah *cough* I'm fine *cough cough cough* I um I think I might go I'll talk to you later"  I hung up on Jack and closed out of the game. I coughed worse than I ever had, I put my hand over my mouth as I coughed. 

After a couple minutes of coughing, I finally stopped, I took a couple of deep breaths then looked at my hand hoping that there wasn't any blood.

But I think that blood was better than what was, in my hand was a red rose petal. 

"No No this can't be happening! Wh-who? Who am I in love with?" Then a sudden realization dawned upon me. "No, It cant be Jack, NO! I only like him as a friend I cant love him. Why" 

I started crying as I continued mumbling the same thing over and over again

'Why?'

I started crying harder, at least until Chica came into my room, I think that she must've smelled my despair because she walked next to me and seemed to say, 

"Dad? what's wrong? Why are you crying" I said as I gave her that adorable goofy voice, which I used to pretend that she's talking to me. 

Then I responded back with, "Oh Chica, being in love with your best friend is hell, especially when you get hanahaki and have about three weeks to live, and that you know that you probably won't survive because the person that you love is straight and is in a relationship with someone that they really love," I said with a small smile.  "Oh, Dad I'm sorry," I said once again in that voice. 

She looked at me sadly and snuggled up against me. 

How am I gonna deal with this? Wait, Jacks coming over in two days, 

how am I gonna hide this from him?


	2. Chapter Two

Jack's POV

I was going to go and visit Mark, but he didn't know the real reason that I was going to go see him. 

He thought it was just to spend time with him, while that's part of the reason, why wouldn't I want to go visit him, the main reason that I wanted to go was because I had just broken up with my girlfriend, Alice.

We had been in a pretty long relationship, but it just didn't work out. 

The reason that it didn't was that. . . she was cheating on me,

I went out for a drive one day to pick up some groceries, but the store was closed, so I was only there for a couple minute and when I came back . . .  

I don't wanna think about it.

Anyways I was headed off to the airport, but I was slightly concerned for Mark. 

He seemed out of it, he usually always texts me whenever I was going to visit him, but he didn't check in with me today, I  really hope he's ok.

I get on the plane, I was sitting next to a girl who happened to be a fan. How did I know she was a fan, she was wearing one of my hats, and one of Mark's hoodies. She appeared to be Mexican and was wearing square glasses, her hair was short to her shoulders, dark brown almost black, and bushy, she also appeared to be thirteen, maybe older. 

She avoided any possible contact for the first 30 minutes of the flight, was red in the face, and kept on staring at her tablet

listening to Hamilton, avoiding any human contact with anyone, except for the drink lady (she got apple juice),  until she finally said hi.

She was nice, apparently her parents had sent her to Brighton to visit one of her uncles who was also visiting there for a couple weeks because she had nothing to do because it was summer, she said that her name was Samantha but she liked being called Sam, we talked for a couple hours, she also drew a bit in her sketch-book, she never finished it because she fell asleep in the middle of it, I think it was supposed to be Jackiboy Man. 

I spent a couple of minutes playing games on my phone until I also fell asleep.

I woke up, everyone was gone from the plane and one of the flight attendants were waking me up. Why didn't Sam wake me up, maybe she didn't want to be rude? I quickly got up, thanked her for waking me up, grabbed my bags and walked to the conveyer belt. 

No-one was there, and my suitcase was also right there, standing upright, five feet away from the conveyer belt. I grabbed the handle and suddenly I was attacked by a hug that I could only assume was Mark because I was able to see a glimpse of him.

That hug caused us both to fall down laughing, god I love his laugh, once I finished laughing I noticed that Mark wasn't laughing anymore, I opened my eyes to see that Mark, slightly red in the face, was right on top of me his arms by my side the only thing keeping him up. 

I looked into his eyes and blushed harder than Mark was, so I was probably as red as a tomato. 

He had a determined look on his face. Like he needed to do something. 

Suddenly before I could question the look on his face, he quickly leaned down and kissed me, it was the best kiss that I have ever experienced, it was a lot more passionate than any of my girlfriends have ever given me. 

I kissed him back. 

He pulled back and started to say, 

"I love yo-"

Then I woke up. 

I was still on the plane, Sam was poking me awake saying that we were about to land. 

What a weird dream. I hope it didn't mean anything.

Shut up Sean, you already know what it means.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I didn't want to bring Signe into this because I really don't wanna disrespect her, even if they did break up, so I used the random name of Alice, got from random name generator. Sorry if your name's Alice tho.


	3. Chapter Three

~Jack's POV~

Once I finally got off the plane I went to the conveyer belt thing, and that place was crowded, an I mean really crowded. I looked around hoping to see Mark because he always picks me up next to the conveyer belt, or around the entrance. I found my suitcase an looked around for five minutes, until I finally took my phone out, thinking that Mark might not have been able to pick me up. 

It had one notification, it was a message from Mark,

<3 Markimoo <3- Hey I won't be able to pick u up wud it be ok if u got an uber? I don't feel so well Mr. Septiceye.

I smiled a bit at the reference that Mark made, but mostly I thought that something weird was going on. Mark always picked me up, no matter the circumstances. A little bit disappointed that I wouldn't be able to see Mark as early as I thought I would, I called an Uber, gave it Mark's address, and started driving to Mark's house.

I felt a pang in my heart, I hope that Mark's ok.

~Mark's POV~

I wasn't ok.

My hanahaki has only gotten worse over the past two days, I started coughing up more and more flower petals, and the thorns. The fucking thorns, I hated those little shits, they kept making me cough up blood, and they hurt like hell.

I don't know how I'm gonna be able to be in the same room as Jack when every time I think about him, or when I get a message from him, or even hear someone with the name Sean or Jack, my heart will flutter for half a second, then I would start coughing up flower petals and thorns again.

But when Sean even left my mind, for even a millisecond I would cough up even more flower petals and thorns then when I was thinking about him. The only time that I was relieved from my pain was when I was sleeping. Even then I still had dreams about Sean, but those have been there for a while now, and when I would wake up, that . . . that was the worst pain. How am I gonna be when he's here physically?

I heard a knock at the door, he's here, I quickly sprinted down the stairs to go get the door. I opened the door and I was immediately enveloped in a hug. I hugged him back, but when I made contact with him I felt something trying to come up my throat but I swallowed it down. 

It hurt, like hell was trying to crawl its way up my throat. I knew that I couldn't let Sean know so I just stayed there in pain until he pulled back. He looked me in the eyes. 

Damn, how could I have ever prevented me from getting this disease? This man is just too beautiful for me not to love, but his eyes, his eyes are beautiful. 

"Hi Sean" I breathed out a breath that I didn't know that I was holding. I saw him blush slightly at me using his real name, not his nickname that I called him for years. 

"Hi Meark," he said with his adorable Irish accent, and a heart-melting smile. I smiled back at him.

Then I quickly rambled out, 

"How was the flight? I'msorrythatIwasn'tabletopickyouupIwasn'tfeelingtoowellbutnowIfeelbetterandI'msorryIshould'vepickedyouupI'msorry I'materrible fre-"

"Ok Meark," I blushed the slightest bit at how he said my name, not enough for him to notice, "You are not a terrible friend, ok?" I nodded, "The flight was fine I was asleep most of it, but I met a fan. And I get that you wouldn't have been able to pick me up, you didn't feel so good. I get that we all get sick occasionally, but yours was just quick." he put his hand to my forehead "You still have a fever but that's nothing too bad."

I pulled his hand back then smiled back at me, This man's smile is too goddamn contagious, and fucking beautiful, I smiled back at him. 

"Sean are you tired or do you want to play some games," I said hopefully trying to be able to spend time with him. 

"I'm sorry Maerk, but I'm really tired, tomorrow we can play something I promise. Good Night Maerk" Sean started walking himself to the room that he always occupied, carrying his suitcases, once he was halfway up the stairs I felt something coming up my throat again, I quickly ran to the bathroom to my left and puked out a couple more flowers petals, more than I ever had before.

"I'm fucked"


	4. Chapter Four

I was concerned for Mark, first of all, I feel as though he's been distant, emotionally for the past two weeks he's actually been very close to me, maybe even a little bit more than he normally is. But he's been avoiding my questions about his health, I feel like he isn't listening to me even though he is. 

I know it sounds like I'm being clingy, but I really love, I 'm really worried about Mark. I really hope he's ok, I think I'm also getting a cold since I've been coughing a lot, I guess Mark might have passed it on to me. 

While I was drinking some cough medicine Mark walked into the room. 

"Hey, Jack. Would you like to go to Santa Monica Pier? Since you've never been there" He looked up at me and smiled. 

"I would love to go Maerk" I smiled back at him. I think he might have blushed because his face seemed to be a little pink.

"Ok," he looked away "We'll leave in an hour, ok?"

"That would be great." 

I started getting ready, I decided to take a shower 'cause why not?  Once I was done showering I quickly got dressed putting nothing fancy on, just some skinny jeans and a black t-shirt with my Mabel sweater around my waist in case it got cold. 

I walked outside to the living room and saw Mark wearing a black t-shirt with his lucky flannel and black skinny jeans.

"You look hot Maerk" shit did I just say that aloud? I saw him blush but quickly passed it off as being an egotistical bastard. 

"Aw, thanks Jackiboy, you don't look so bad yourself" 

I laughed at him, after like three seconds of him pretending to be grumpy he joined in laughing too. 

"Come on Jackiboy, let's go"

After about thirty minutes of driving to the Pier we finally got there, but once we did get on the pier the first thing that Mark did was go to the bathroom. He came out after a couple of minutes he seemed ok, but I did notice a little bit of blood above his lip, maybe he got injured and was trying to wash it off. 

Weird. 

We went all over the Pier, we went off to the beach first I wanted to get in but it was freezing. After about 10 minutes at the beach, we went over to the actual pier. It was awesome, there was one woman though that wanted to sell me and Mark some 'romantic partner' necklaces, which just caused us to blush and say that we weren't dating. I wish we were though. 

We went on some of the rides, but by the time that we got to the Ferris wheel, it was dark and you could start to see the stars. They were beautiful. 

Once we got to the very top of the Ferris wheel he looked at me. 

"The stars look beautiful," I said to him. 

"You know what else is beautiful?" He looked into my eyes, damn, his eyes are beautiful. 

"Me" He smiled at me. 

"Fuck you, you fucking egotistical bastard" I laughed back at him, once I looked away I could swear that I saw that he was scolding himself.

Once we got off we started driving back to our Mark's house. We went inside and I said goodnight to Mark. 

"Thanks, Maerk, I had a lot of fun" 

"You're welcome Jack, hopefully, we can do something like this again tomorro- " He started coughing, bad, and I mean really bad. 

"No- Not now." 

Then before I knew it he started puking  . . . flowers and blood. 

He has hanahaki.


	5. Chapter Five

That's why he's been so distant. He's been dealing with this. Immediately as if on auto-pilot I called 911, called for an ambulance and told them that my friend had hanahaki. While I was doing that I was kneeling next to Mark trying to comfort him, I hugged him once he stopped coughing up flowers. 

"I'm sorry Maerk, who is it?" 

At this, he shook his head. He doesn't want to tell me. I wonder who it is.

Once the ambulance got here they let me in the ambulance with him. I held on his hand until we got to the hospital, 

I can't believe this is happening to Mark, I wonder who it is, I mentally scolded myself.  Why would I be thinking of that when my love best friend is literally dying. 

I squeezed Marks hand a little harder, he is not going to die . . . I won't let him, not today.

~Mark's POV~

oh god, the one thing that I've ever asked the universe was to not let anyone know about my hanahaki, especially Jack, and spend the most that I could with him until I died a somewhat fulfilling death knowing that I made Jack have the best time he's ever had when I was still alive . 

But Noooooo, the fucking universe couldn't let me have this one thing, now here we are.

Me and Jack, in the back of an ambulance, waiting for me to get to the fucking hospital. Jack is probably gonna try and convince me to get the surgery. Like that's ever gonna happen.

I would never in my whole life give away all my memories of Jack, to survive, I don't give a shit about survival. I'm not going to lose everything I have of him, even if he does lose me.  

Once we had gotten to the hospital they took me into a hospital room and didn't let Jack in after they had checked up on me, asking questions like 

'who do you love?' I didn't answer that 

'How long have you had ?' 

'would you ever think of having the surgery?'

At this question I may or may not have lashed out, they told me I punched a guy, but it's really a blur. Once that fiasco was over they let Jack in, 

oh god . . . why is he crying? This is exactly why I didn't want him to know. He had walked in with red puffy eyes, 

"M-maerk" he started walking towards my bed. 

"Jack," I responded calmly ¨I'm not taking the surgery¨ 

he looked at me as if I had just crushed his soul. 

¨Maerk . . . what, what are you talking about you HAVE to take the surgery.¨ he looked at me with the most pleading eyes that I've ever seen, oh god, this man is the death of me. 

¨Jack,¨ I responded still calm, ¨I am not taking the surgery, I don't care what you tell me. I am not losing  . . . I'm not losing-¨

¨WHO WOULD YOU BE LOSING MARK, IF SHE DOESNT LOVE YOU, SHE DOESNT DESERVE YOU¨

I don't really know what happened, but I did know that I was ticked off. 

¨SEAN, I CAN'T LOSE HIM!¨ I have no idea what caused me to lash out at him, maybe it was the fact that he was trying to make me forget him, without him knowing. 

"H-him? You . . . god, I'm sorry Maerk," He walked over and hugged me "but please. Please take the surgery . . . please" 

I could tell from the way that he was looking at me that he knew exactly what it would cost me, emotionally. But he didn't know what it would cost him. 

"Sean," I grabbed his hand, this might be one of the last times ill be able to do it "I know, I should take the surgery, I mean so much to so many people, but . . . I . . . I can't lose him, he means everything to me, I . . ." my voice trailed off not knowing how to explain it to the guy who is literally killing from the inside, that I love him so much that I would give up my own life to save his life anyway.  

"Maerk" He wiped his eyes "Please, please you have to do it. Ill help you remember him . . . if you do . . . take the surgery." 

I knew it was very difficult to remember loving someone, according to the internet, but there have been very rare occurrences of people remembering their feelings because the other person dd really love them and helped them remember. I know that he will help me, at least I hope that he'll want to help me after he finds out that I love him, I know he'll be able to make me remember. 

"Jack" I looked down and sighed "go tell the doctors I wanna take the surgery. . ."

He looked at me with the happiest sad face I've ever seen, a hopeful smile. He nodded the scurried off, smiling.

Once he left the room I felt tears start brewing, a couple fell down my face. I tried to remember everything I could, every memory that I had of Jack. Every hug, smile, handshake, laugh . . . dream. 

After about ten minutes a couple doctors walked in, the first thing they asked me was if I was absolutely certain that I would want to take the surgery, I said yes. The next thing they asked me was if I wanted to keep the flowers, I said yes. They started to get me ready to go into the operating room. Before we went in I saw probably the last thing I'll remember of Jack, 

a small, beautiful, smile, with both of his thumbs up. 

We got into the operating room, they gave me anesthesia, as I remembered everything about him again, with a single tear falling down my face. Then everything went black. 

~Jack's POV~

The last I saw of Mark before they took him to the operating room, was a soft smile, but his eyes looked . . . sad, but not just sad in general but sad in my direction.

But I was happy, I knew I shouldn't have been happy. But I was, Mark wasn't going to die, at least I knew that. He's not going to die today. 

Not today. I smiled at the thought. 

But then again I felt like a dick for being happy, Mark's gonna forget about someone that he fell in love with. But I promised him that I would help him remember. Even if I already somewhat hated this guy.

Whoever this motherfucker is, they don't fucking deserve Mark, he's sweet, handsome, an adorable goofball, the perfect man, how could no one love him. What's not to love about him. Why wouldn't you love him? 

After about two hours, of me doing nothing but worrying about Mark, they finally called me so that I could see him, my heart leaped at that.

He was ok. 

I almost ran to his room, the first thing I saw was that he seemed off when he saw me, 

"Maerk, you're ok" I smiled widely and walked over to his bed and hugged him, 

He awkwardly patted my back. Somethings wrong. 

"Um, I feel like a dick for saying this but," I pulled away from the hug quickly, no, no, no, no, Please NO.

He looked at me with such apologetic eyes, 

"Who are you?" 


	6. Chapter Six

I honestly didn't know this man, he seemed familiar. I got a sense of deja vu, Like I've seen him before, or that I might've met him. He was cute. I knew that I mean how could anybody not know that. With beautiful blue eyes that I could swim in, even if I am terrified of the ocean. Hair that looked so soft, I wanted to ruffle his hair just to feel it, but I knew that it probably would've been weird and very rude to ruffle the hair of someone you don't know. At least I think I don't know him. 

"Who are you?"

As I said these three words his eyes. His eyes, they say the eyes are the window to the soul, I have no idea who 'they' are but 'they're' very right. If that's true his soul just shattered, you could tell from the way that the color drained from his eyes, a once beautiful ocean blue turned into a dull grey-blue. 

I really didn't like it.

After about two seconds of him staring at me with the blankest stare in the world. He got up quickly stuttered an excuse to leave that I really didn't understand and walked outside to another room, so I would assume the bathroom. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 FUCKING IDIOT. 

I punched the wall,

IM SUCH A GODDAMN IDIOT. 

I punched the wall a couple more times,

My knuckles were probably bleeding by now since I started seeing blood on the walls and feeling that they had a warm liquid on them.

Why did I convince him to take the fucking surgery? 

WHY DIDNT I FUCKING REALIZE THAT HE LOVED . . . . me?

Why me, out of all the people in this world he chose to fall in love with me.

Why wasn't I able to tell him, I SHOULD'VE told him. 

Obviously, because I didn't want to face rejection, I sighed. 

Rejection would've been so much better than this.

No . . . It wouldn't have been.

What am I saying? Not having Mark knowing you anymore is better than him not loving you?

yes

 What were the mother-fucking chances that I fall in love with a person that I just happen to have Hanahaiki for me, who I was thinking of confessing today, then I forced him to take the mother-fucking surgery, and now has no idea who I am! God this sounds like a bad fanfiction.

I sighed deeply.

I'm going to help him remember me, I made a promise to him. And I fully intend to keep it, even if I destroy myself in the process. Which I probably will.


	7. Chapter Seven

I didn't know where this 'adorable guy' was, or who he was, to be honest, but I was starting to get troubled. 

I mean I didn't . . . I don't know him? Anyways I think I don't know him, even if I did get deja vu when I first saw him, but that's totally rational, right?

What are you talking about, you're not average, an average person would hit on someone so adorable. But what did you do, you ask him who he is.

Oh god, he's probably devasted, I think I knew him.

Ok, let's review what you know, you got hanahaki for . . . someone.  I don't remember who it was but I do recollect that it was a guy, then um I think He convinced me to get the surgery. . . and. Wait, am I crying? 

I was crying, it wasn't full on heaving sobs, but enough for my face to get wet. 

I . . .  I miss Him, I miss His demeanor. The way He'd made the room brilliant when He'd enter. His overall demeanor.

I wish I retained who he was. 

Then there's that, other guy. he gave me the same vibes that I think I would get from Him

Come on Mark you're talking foolishness, you've only . . . .known? . . . him for a couple minutes?

I don't know I keep on getting a feeling of deja vu whenever I picture him, and for some purposes, I keep on seeing random images of him that I've never recollected seeing.

Well, what are you gonna do mark? Simple you are going to do what any right-minded person would do, get to know him. 

And probably get a crush on him since you're not normal.


	8. Chapter Eight

I knew I was going to have to confront him eventually. I mean I can't just stay in the bathroom mourning all day, well I could but that's not the best idea, considering I have to take Mark home. At least I didn't tell anyone about Mark having Hanahaki, we wouldn't need that type of weight over anybody, particularly Mark, I really hope he's ok. 

I wonder if he even cares about me anymore

No Jack, don't go there, you will help him remember you, whatever it takes. . . 

Whatever it takes.

Anything it takes.

Anything.

Timey Wimey Time Skip, 

I knew it was gonna be bad once I saw him,

I knew it was going to hurt, emotionally and physically. 

I walked into the hospital room, Mark was staring out of the window, he immediately noticed when I entered. He seemed to brighten up,

just like he always did.

"H-hi, I um I didn't get your name earlier," he shifted a bit on the bed, "I um I'm honestly very sorry for not knowing you I keep on getting the feeling that I know you, ya'know like a sense of deja vu"

I smiled at his antics, he was so adorable when he ranted. 

"Well um, my name's Jack, well its actually Sean but you used to call me Jack and it just kinda stuck to you so you only call me Sean every once in a while but you mostly call me Jack" I looked over at his face and . . . he was smiling, it was a very affectionate smile, I love it. 

"Well, Jackaroonie," he remembers the nickname he gave me "I really wanna get out of here I've spent too much time in a hospital for someone my age"

I smiled, then nodded and walked out of the room I was going to go ask the doctor if Mark could get out anytime soon.

Marks POV

god, 

he's cute, 

he's really cute,

that quantity of cuteness isn't good for my health. 

And I knew him, how in the world did I survive with his cuteness,

And god, that cute way he rambles, he probably rambles when he's nervous,

it's still cute though.

ok so lets review, 

I woke up in this hospital room, I know I had hanahaki for Him, I don't remember who He was, but I do remember that He was important to me and that it was Him who told me to take the surgery even if I did know that I wouldn't remember him, then some, no not some, Jack came in and hugged me, it was a nice hug now that I look back. I didn't know who he was, I still don't, so he ran out of the room. He came back in about ten minutes later, now here we are. 

A couple of minutes later Jack came back in, he said that I would be able to get out in a couple hours. And that he was going to go get my car real quick leaving me alone,

he's only been gone for five minutes and I already miss him,

fuck.


	9. Chapter Nine

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> at the end, you will find notes form Author-chan from a couple months ago whilst writing this.

I was finally getting out of the hospital, it had taken Jack, or Sean I don't really know what to call him, about half an hour to get to my house and get back here. 

I really want to remember him, I can see that he wants me to remember him too. Every time he looks at me he looks at me like he's expecting someone, or maybe something else in my eyes, and then he sees me and his face drops, 

I don't like that. 

I don't like how he looks when he's sad. I honestly just don't like it when he's sad, it's really depressing. But I will remember him. 

*

I hope he wants to remember me, no Mark think positively, 

I took a deep breath and walked into my house after Jack.

It felt weird walking into my house, not like a walking into a stranger house to hook up with them for one night and never see them again weird, 

**

it felt like a deja vu weird, then again everything that has to do with Sean involves deja vu so. . . bit this time, it was a bit different, I walked in and immediately thought that three-quarters of the memory id gained in the past two weeks were blurred out, I could remember certain scenes, but not necessarily scenes, just images of remembrances. Like one of me and Sean walking in through the door, it appeared to be late, and a bunch of others that escaped my mind as quickly as it came. Like I said weird. 

***

After about twenty seconds of staring at Jack my living room, Chica started running her way towards the living room, at first, I thought that she was going to tackle me but instead she went and tackled Jack. 

It was adorable. 

and not just Chica

I mean in comparison with Jack chica looked at least 2% less cute then Sean, and that's saying something.

After about twenty seconds of just staring at Sean and Chica, he started to get up. We were standing a good way away from each other about 5 feet because we're not gay when Chica came from behind me and pushed me so that I fell on top of Jack. 

Let's just say the whole situation was awkward.

****

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *and I'm about to be caught by my brother and I have to frikin take care of the kids tomorrow, and is sleep really necessary??  
> **don't fucking judge me ok I'm fucking tired, I want to sleep but I can't   
> ***If anyone gets that reference I will love them forever   
> ****OK DONE WITH SHORT ASS MOTHERFUCKIN CHAPTER THAT I WON'T REMEMBER POSTING IN THE MORNING, NOW GRAMERLY DONT FUCK THIS UP 


	10. Chapter Ten

Well, saying that this was an awkward circumstance was an understatement, this was beyond awkward, I landed on my hands so that I didn't fall directly on him, once I was able to realize what Chica had done until I was about two inches away from Jacks face.

He looks really cute when he blushes, I mean nothing I didn't say anything about this adorable person. 

I quickly got up then extended my hand to help Sean up, 

"Hey sorry about that Sean," I said as I hoisted him up.

He stepped behind a couple steps because he was still a couple inches away from me.

"It's ok Meark," He said with a smile, 

I like how he says my name. 

"I couldn't have been your fault"

We were still holding hands, he realized that and immediately pulled his hand back. And sat down on the couch, asking if he could watch the tv. Doing so after I said yes. 

I felt a little sad, I liked the sensation of his hand on mine, his hands were warm. 

After a couple seconds of just gazing at my hand, I sat down next to Sean. 

"So Sean, tell me about yourself, I get that you know me but I don't know you that well, I mean I think I did but I don't remember and I feel guilty for not knowing who you are I think you were, or are a great person an-"

"Maerk," He said in a calming tone, "calm down ok, ill help you remember me, ok. But In the meantime, My name is Sean William McLoughlin, we had- well you first contacted me on Twitter, sparking a friendship, but see I personally was a huge fan, and the main reason I started my channel, so I took a couple of hours before responding to you, we had our first collab in April of 2014, then-"

(Author-chan got lazy so instead, she put this on here because of I'm too tired to search up anyshit, now this is a time skip)

After about half an hour of him explaining our relationship, which was adorable watching his describe certain things, 

"So people shipped us?" I asked dubiously.

"Well some people still do, but most of them stopped because of my . . . girlfriend"

Oh, he has a girlfriend, I should've known.

"You have a girlfriend?"

"Well I had a girlfriend, but she turned out to be a slut who cheated on me with some banker."

"Woah, Woah wait," I got up so that I could walk around the room, "you're telling me that some whore ass bitch cheated on you, you?! Who would cheat on you your an amazing person, if she didn't see that then she didn't deserve you, I mean anybody could see that"

I realized that I'd probably said too much, so I took a look at Sean and saw that his face was beet red.

I was probably blushing too, 

"I um, I'm hungry do you wanna get a pizza?"

He stared at me for a couple of seconds before responding,

"I would love that Meark." He said with a cute smile.

This man is going to kill me


	11. Chapter Eleven

It took a couple minutes of playful banter of which pizza flavor to get, he wanted Hawaiian and I got fake offended, I felt as if we've had that conversation before, anyways we decided on plain 'ole pepperoni 

After we finished ordering our pizza we watched a bit of Gravity Falls, and by a bit, I mean a whole season, I don't remember what time we went to bed. 

But when we were about to finish watching the last episode of the first season, when he asked me something. 

"Do you miss him?" 

"Miss who?" I responded curiously. 

He paused for a second, thinking about what he was going to say. 

"The guy you loved"

I blinked for a couple seconds, not saying anything.

"It's weird, I don't remember him, but. . . I do miss him, I don't remember anything but it's like, how do I say this. It's like a part of me is missing, as if he was a Horcrux and it just got destroyed but I don't remember what it was. If that makes any sense."

He looked at me for a couple seconds with a find smile.

"Well," he finally said, "don't you worry about that Markimoo, I have promised to you to help you remember him, you may not remember but I did promise you, and of course you'll have to remember me."

After that we finished the episode, said our goodnights as he went to my guest bedroom, and as I was staring at my bedroom ceiling, I smiled. 

He was gonna help me remember.


	12. Chapter Twelve

Jack just made me breakfast. Wow, common courtesy Mark, it's like the 6th time he's made you breakfast and your still too scared to make him anything in fear that you might poison it. 

. . . .Wait. 

I blinked a couple times. 

That was a memory, I'm starting to remember.

I quickly sprung up from my bed, put on a shirt, and raced down to the kitchen. 

He wasn't looking when I ran down the stairs, 

"JACK" I screamed he jumped up onto the counter in fear causing me to giggle at him. After about thirty seconds he crawled down from the counter. 

"Sorry Jack, I um, I didn't mean to scare you," I said with a smile, and it might've been me but I was sure that he was blushing faintly, but I couldn't really tell because he was looking at the ground. 

"But, um, I remembered something." 

At this he looked up, he had something in his eyes, he had hope. 

"What did you remember Meark?" he said it slowly. 

"I only remembered that you had made me breakfast before and that this time you making me breakfast was the 6th time you've ever made me breakfast." 

He smiled at me, one of those cute little smiles that he always gives me, I love his smile. . . . I won't tell him that I remembered that. 

"Looks like you're starting to remember Meark, anyways you wanna eat? I made you the regular, eggs, bacon, and pancakes." He pulled out a chair.

"Well thank you very much, kind sir, I still feel bad for not cooking for you, you are my guest," I said as I sat down on the chair. 

"No, its fine really. I didn't mind."

After that he let me eat in silence, it was a comforting silence. 

Once I got up, I placed my dish in the sink and hugged Jack, 

out of nowhere I just wanted to hug him, as if some urge was telling me to. 

When I did since I gave Jack no warning he'd tensed up. But after about three seconds he relaxed and hugged me back. 

I like his hugs, his hugs are nice. 

I just wanted to stay there for a couple of years.

Enveloped in his warm hug. 

But then Chica came and wiggled between out legs to separate us, I had forgotten to give her food. I looked at jack and saw that his face was as red as my hair once was. I realized that my face was probably as red, if not more, red than his. 

"Sorry about that Jack," I said as I went to go give Chica her food. 

"I-Its ok, Meark," his voice cracked, "I, um, I'm gonna go watch some tv, I'll see if there's anything good" 

I smiled at Chica who was giving me this knowing look. 

Chica knows things, things I wish I could remember.


	13. Chapter 13

s Chica was eating her food on her warfstache bowl me and Jack was looking for something to watch on Netflix. 

Eventually, we decided on Rent, we really didn't know much about it but we knew that it was a musical* 

~MMMMmmMm Look At That Good Ass Time Skip~ **

I guess Jack didn't get much sleep last night because by the time we were half-way through the movie he was started dozing off for a couple seconds every couple minutes, by the time the movie was about 20 minutes from over he leaned on my shoulder and fell asleep.

He looks so cute when he sleeps. . . 

Not wanting to move him or wake him up, I just let him stay there until the movie ended. 

Once the movie ended I, as slowly and quietly as I possibly could, picked up Sean*** I got a quick sense that this wasn't the first time that I've done this, and carried him to my bed, it's the biggest bed in the house, only the best for my Jackiboy. . . 

wait . . .

My?? Jackiboy

I blushed a bit then continued to, walk over to my room. 

When I was almost at my room Sean shifted and cuddled into my chest causing me to stop in shock for a couple seconds, until I continued walking.

 Once I got to my bed I carefully got to my bed and placed Jack down, then I pulled my covers on him making sure he was still warm. 

I looked at his beautiful face. 

He looks so peaceful. 

I fought, and lost, against an urge telling me to kiss his forehead. 

I did, and when I did I got the sudden memory of me doing it to Sean at least 7 times. 

I giggled a small little giggle and suddenly feeling extremely tired I decided to lay down next to Jack, 

I smiled as I looked at him. 

I  . . . I think I might be in love with him.

Oh no. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *pls don't hurt me I've only seen the first song in a half of the movie on Netflix
> 
> **Oh god I'm high af
> 
> ***looks over past chapters, HAHAHA I haven't used this cliche yet in this book


	14. Chapter Fourteen

Jacks POV*

Where am I?

I'm not in my- Mark's guest room. I mean . . . wait, isn't this Marks room??

What am I doing in Marks room, 

. . . . In his bed.

. . . 

Is- Is he hugging me?

 

I notice the pair of arms around my torso. 

Nervously I looked over my shoulder, with restricted movement, its hard to move when someones hugging you and you don't want them to wake up, and there Mark was, peacefully spooning me. 

My face erupted in red. 

Holy fuck. 

Holy motherfuck, 

why the fuck am I in marks bed?

Why is he hugging me???

Weren't we just watching rent a couple min- minutes?

I saw that Mark's phone was lying on his bedside table, with restricted movement I was able to grab it. 

The time was . . . . . .5pm

but I wasn't paying attention to the time. His- Mark's Lockscreen is a picture of me with him, just goofing off.

I blushed a little more knowing that Mark really did actually love me. 

Well. . .  he did get hanahaki for you. 

Shut up mind. 

I decided I might as well enjoy this because, well why not. It might be months until Mark remembers completely. 

I turned around slowly and fell asleep again. 

Mark's POV**

Where. . . Where am I?

I continue to walk through the hall of an unfamiliar house. 

There are pictures of me and . . . .Jack? all over the house.

I looked around some more, at the end of the hallway there was a door.

They always say don't walk towards the light but I'm still gonna do it.

I opened the door, I didn't step in, and it . . . it was me inside the room. 

It showed me coughing up a bunch of red rose petals. 

The door slammed shut.

To the right of the door, there was another small hallway, only about 4 feet long.

I decided to walk toward it, just as I was about to reach for the knob of it I was pulled back. 

I turned around and saw Jack, crying. 

Then I woke up

I'm in my bed.

Jack's on my chest snuggling me. 

He's really cute. 

I smiled a bit as I looked at him. 

I need to remember him. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *Wow and actual change, I really just wanted to write a flustered Jack
> 
> **wooooooow, Mark's POV how original


	15. Chapter Fifteen

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> LET US DO THIS BITCH, also sorry it took so long for an update, I got roped up into the undertale fandom. 

After just looking at Jack for a couple minutes (or it could've been an hour, but who keeps track of these things? Definitely not me. . . . Ok so maybe I've been staring at him peacefully sleep for the past hour and thirty-seven minutes.)

I decided I might as well get my lazy ass up and make some breakfast for me and Jack. 

I haven't had waffles in a little while, (actually I don't know) I might as well make some for me and Jack. 

Although I would've been perfectly fine if I'd just stayed here all day. 

Just us cuddling, as if nothing else was in this world except for the two of us. 

He looks so peaceful when he's asleep, like the first snowflake in winter. 

How would he react if he saw me hugging him, I hope that he won't get mad, or disgusted, no I don't want to see that. 

He seems nice enough person to not mind it, well he seems more like an angel than an actual person but that might just be the lack of sleep talking. Even if I did get a full ten hours of sleep. 

BUT, I really need to make it up to Jack for him making me breakfast the other day, it made me feel guilty that he'd made me food so many times and that I haven't returned the favor.

I got up as quietly and carefully as I could when a gorgeous angel was on me and I didn't want to leave. Before I did I just gave him a small little kiss on the forehead. Then started getting off my bed without disturbing Sean. 

Once I successfully got out of bed I looked around for, and found, a pair of socks so that my footsteps would be muffled, and then I started creeping to the door of my room. 

I opened it as slowly, considering that I have a creaky door that makes a loud noise if you even touch it, and as quietly as I could and walked outside into the hall. 

Ok, so Sean usually wakes up around 10 because that proves that he got a good nights sleep, and it's only 8 right now so ill have some time to search up things abou-

wait. . . .

how did I know that? 

I don't think I learned that since I met him.

Huh. 

I guess I just remembered he likes sleeping in late when he's not busy. 

I smiled then continued to walk down the hall.

The first thing I was greeted to once I walked out was Chica, 

I realized that I must've forgotten to put food in her food bowl. 

I quickly, and silently sprinted down the stairs and poured Chica some of her food.

After that, I sat down in my living room. 

I opened up the youtube app on my phone and searched up jack and markiplier collabs

I wanted to find out all I could about him. 

After about an hour an a half of me just watching everything him and I have ever released on youtube together, I wasn't even able to watch half of it. 

It seemed like we were really good friends. 

we seemed to like to goof off most of the time than ever actually playing. 

In the first few videos on his channel that I saw of us, 

I . . . I seemed to be flirting with him. 

Huh, weird. 

I wonder if that means anything. 

It probably doesn't. 

He's cute and I was single. 

Well, I still am single bu-

then I remembered. 

about Him 

I need to remember him, 

I have to stop trying to get with Jack, I already loved someone. 

And I'm putting them first. 

I'll worry about Jack later. 

He told me he was gonna help me remember Him 

And he still hasn't done anything. 

I need to remember Him.

No matter what it takes. 

I'm sorry Sean


	16. Chapter Sixteen

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And this chapter is brought to you by, I'm sorry I haven't been posting lately I've been sick and since I'm sick I have to take medicine which makes me sleepy henceforth making me sleep early and lacking inspiration (TM), and short word giving off lots of meaning and emotion

I waited. . . 

And I waited. . . 

I don't know how long I waited,

honestly, it was probably only an hour.

But I waited for Sean to wake up.

I needed some answers. 

And it was hard to think of anything else. 

I really want to remember him.

And not that I was opposed to remembering more about Sean. . . 

He's great and nice, and adorable.

 

 

But.

 

 

It's . . .  It's just I loved someone else. . . . 

I loved someone else before Sean. 

I loved them so much I almost died for them.

I want to know who that person was.

I want to know who I almost threw away my life for.

I want to know who convinced me to forget him, even though I knew I would be like this.

I want to know who impacted my life so much I feel as though half of my life was wiped clean the day I woke up in the hospital room.

But I can remember him.

But I can't remember how much he impacted my life.

But I can't remember how many times I've felt emotions so strongly before I met him.

But I can't remember anything.

I want to remember.

If I can remember him.

If I even had a chance with him.

If it was a better option to not remember him at all. 

If he loved me as much as I loved him. 

And I need to remember him. 

I have to. 

I need answers. 

Answers to half a lifetime's worth of questions. 

And Sean's gonna have to give them to me. 

At least I hope he can.

I really hope he can. 

Cant he?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> posting its short haven't sorry guys knvjnavjnjnvfj've I'm


	17. Chapter Seventeen

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Two Chapters in Once night whaaaaaaaaaaaaat. . . .wack

Why isn't he awake yet?

I was starting to get worried. 

He should be awake by now.

He never sleeps in this long, the only time I remember him staying in bed this long was when he was sick, or when he was having a nightma-

I quickly slunked* up the stairs into my room where Sean was sleeping.

I opened the door softly and there I saw Sean. 

He was still asleep. 

He was thrashing in his sleep.

He was having a nightmare. 

I quickly ran next to him and shook him awake. 

"Sean! Sean! Wake Up!" I exclaimed at him as I shook** him. 

He quickly bolted upwards, his eyes looking like they'd just seen death herself.***

He looked around for a couple of seconds, panting as if he just ran a marathon.

When he finally saw me, he hugged me tightly, I slowly hugged him back, not wanting to scare him anymore. 

He started crying into my shoulder. 

I pulled back slightly and attempted to look him in the eyes, but his head was down. 

"Sean-" I lifted up his head a bit with my hand so I could see him better and he could see me,"- it was just a nightmare ok?"

He nodded a bit barely noticeable unless you were paying close attention. 

I decided to hug him again. 

He hugged me back. 

And he kept on crying into my shoulder. 

"Sean? You wanna tell me about it? Its ok if you don't" I said quietly. 

He shook his head. 

I wonder what it was about. 

~Sean's P0V~****

~nightmare begin~

I was back at the hospital. 

I was sitting down on a chair next to the bed where Mark was. 

The is the exact place where I sat when Mark was having the surgery. 

Except he was here right next to me. 

He didn't agree to take the surgery. 

He was about to die in front of me.

I felt tear tears start to form in my eyes. 

I tried to tell him that I did love him back. 

That he didn't need to die. 

But I couldn't talk, words couldn't escape my mouth. 

". . .Jack . . .I  . . . love you. . ." He croaked out.

'I love you too' I wanted to yell but I couldn't

I tried to get closer to him. . . but I couldn't.

Then I heard the flatline. 

I felt the blood drain from my face. 

I got up and looked at him, now I can move.

"Ma-Mark? Mark!?" I started shaking him. 

My vision started to get blurry. I was crying. 

"Please Mark No! I LOVE YOU!"

It didn't seem to do any good. 

I stayed there by his side, five minutes later a couple doctors came to tell me that he'd died and that not even the surgery could've saved him. 

They had asked me if I wanted the flowers that were still in his lungs. 

I agreed I wanted something to remember him by. 

I wanted something to yell at me every time I looked at him so that I know that I'm the reason that Mark died. 

I wanted something to remind me that if I wasn't such a coward then Mark would be alive. 

The next thing I knew I was in Marks house.

I had a jar in my hand. 

Inside the jar was a beautiful red rose. 

I smashed the jar to the floor.

I started crying again. 

I looked down and there it was mocking me. 

I knew I couldn't destroy it. 

Much like the actual disease, It cant be disposed of so easily.

I dropped to the floor. 

I cried my eyes out.  

I just lost the love of my life because I didn't have the courage to tell him that I loved him. 

Because of not being brave enough I lost him. 

I lost him. 

I lost the best part of me.

Because I was too scared to tell him. 

Love.

It's always been the destruction of us all. 

I felt as though I was wrestling every single bad thing that's ever happened to me at that moment. 

~End Nightmare~

That's when I woke up. 

I was still in Mark's room. 

Someone was shaking me awake. 

I looked around the room for a couple seconds to make sure I was fine and that's when I saw Mark. 

He had his hand on my shoulders. 

He must've seen I was having a nightmare. 

I hugged him as if I would never see him again. 

~Baaaaaaack to Mark's POV~

I decided I wouldn't ask Sean about Him today, 

I think I might ask him tomorrow. 

We should go do something instead. 

Christmastime is right around the corner. 

I honestly wouldn't hurt to do some tree decorations this early. 

"Ma-Mark, I know this honestly isn't a good time," He said from where his head was, "but would it be ok If I moved in with you, my old place reminds me too much of my ex, and I don't want to leave you."

I smiled a little bit.

"Of course Sean, I would love that."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *I was watching the Grinch, the live action not that new bullshit, earlier
> 
> **Shooketh
> 
> *** Change my fucking mind I dare you
> 
> ****Wow a change of perspective


	18. Chapter Eighteen

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HEY GUYS sorry I've been gone for so long here's a short ass chapter

A couple of days later Jacks things arrived, he had told me that he didn't want to go back to his house because it reminded him too much of his ex.

He also told me that he didn't want to leave me alone . . .

I thought that was nice of him.

After all of that happened the whole entire thought of Him, it just escaped from my mind.

My mind was telling me that Sean was more important than Him.

It seems ridiculous. 

I don't know why but I think that instinct in me was right.

I don't know. . .

It was fun spending Christmas with him, he's an adorable little dork.

It had taken us a couple days to get everything set up.

Not that I minded spending time with him. 

That's always fun.

I still see that look in him.

The look that he's always expecting more from me.

I can always see it in his eyes.

Like I'm missing an inside joke.

An inside joke that's our whole relationship.

I don't like that look

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hhhhh sorry it I've so long to update I've just been lacking inspo


	19. A/N

Hey guys, um sorry I've been gone for over a month, I'm not dead just in case your wondering well I'm going to be taking a small break from this fic, not because of anything important or anything, I just haven't felt very motivated about this in a while so I'm going to put it on a hiatus. I'll be back eventually. Sorry guys, so see yall in the next chapter whenever that may come out.


	20. Another A/N sorry

hey . . . are any of yall still reading this, I was thinking of maybe

 

remaking this series. It would still be there it would just be a rewrite because I'm not the happiest with how it's going right now.

it's up to yall, I probably won't delete this fic but ill rewrite it in a different book


End file.
